Universally Hot

Being new to the Orlando area, heading over to a theme park on a day off is still a great treat! And this weekend we decided it was time to venture a little further away from the Disney Parks that are so nearby our new hometown of Celebration, Florida. So we visited the Universal Orlando Resort for the first time as locals. It was incredibly fun and incredibly hot!

Universal upsold us. We totally fell for it. We bought premiere passes. You get so many amazing benefits along with a Premiere Annual Pass but the best part is the despicably bourgeois but incredibly awesome FREE VALET PARKING! I can’t tell you how ridiculously self indulgent it feels to drive up to Universal, hand your keys off and walk in to the park. Please, please, please Disney bring valet parking to your Parks. It. Would. Be. AWESOME! You purists may now all proceed to call me horrible names for suggesting it.

HULK SMART. HULK TURN YOU UPSIDE DOWN AND HULK MAKE KILLING EMPTYING NET FULL OF WALLETS AT END OF DAY.

First time at IOA since 2006, believe it or not. Wizarding World of Harry Potter truly is just as jaw-dropping a land as everyone says it is. I heart it.

Real bird. Srsly. Posing for me.

Everything’s curvy. Not a single straight anything anywhere. Kinda like at my house. Thank you I’ll be here all week.

My inner child was screaming to stand in the loooong line so my wand could pick me. But I figured they’d never let a gigantic forty-something dude be in the Olivander show so we passed. For now.

I’ll be skinny enough to ride Forbidden Journey when these winged pigs actually fly, apparently.

Straight up, frozen butterbeer is AWESOME! Part caramel, part root beer and all yummy. I deposited it into mah belly so fast my brain froze solid for five excruciatingly painful minutes.

Welcome! To Stephen Spielberg’s Grandchildren’s College Fund!
Wait, I meant Welcome! To Jurassic Park!
It’s kinda both, really.

A sponsored product placement moment for new meat-scented Axe Body Spray.

Strangers getting wet! If I had more than one friend I would fill a boat with them and take their photo.

I was photo bombed by an ultrasaurus. A-DORable.

Wee!!!

A quick walk next door to Universal Orlando.

I wish he looked more Boris Karloff-y. But any old Frankenstein’s Monster is better than none in this Monster-Lover’s book! (The ABOMI in ABOMIBOT stands for “abominable” by the way and represents my love of all things monster. Anyone care to guess what the BOT stands for? Monsters and…?

Ugh I’m a man-child, clearly.

I would’ve ridden this but it looked like riders were being plunged to their death into a copse of spiky palm spears and I needed to live to make this report. It’s all about you. All. About. You.

I’m a sucker for popcorn lights and neon. I wonder if my mother fantasized about carnies when she carried me?

First time on The Simpson’s Ride. Very fun but dang it was hot up in there! But that was a rare hot ride experience. Someone at the Disney Parks decided they could save a few hundred thousand a month/quarter/year by turning down all the A/C. Too bad, too. I never really cool off completely at a Disney Park these days. Indoor Universal rides and queues, however, are FREEZING! An awesome, make you forget you moved to Florida in the summer FREEZING! Two shivering thumbs up, Uni!

That’s all for this trip. And if you’re wondering how I feel about our parting I leave you with the immortal words of Bart Simpson, “I never thought it was humanly possible, but this both sucks and blows.”